hold your breath.

you got that shit that somebody will look for, but won't find.

special features

this guy has mastered the remix.

Strobe:


Feel So Close:

crave you.

currently listening...

M83



&some crystal castles...

a to b to c.

A:



B:



C:



Pure euphoria in every form.

Getting old.

You know you're getting old when...

You need to start taking glucosamine supplements for your joint pain.
The gym is the highlight of your work week.
Your lunch break is the highlight of the work day.
You just want to stay home and watch a movie on a Saturday night, sometimes.
Catch up time with friends includes talk about office politics, and upcoming Holiday parties.
Everyone at Starbucks knows your name and what your order is.
Start yawning at 8:00 PM.
You start putting your paycheck into your 401K.

Suddenly overnight, I became an old person. God save me at 22.

----

In other news, I just got Drake's new album "Take Care" on iTunes today.



I gotta say... 10/10. The album features a good mix of soulful R&B songs, and club hits. Drake really demonstrates his range and shows that he's not just another artist who makes repetitive tracks. I was really surprised to see that he also sampled some Jon B and paid homage to a pioneer of R&B, whom I'm sure is unknown to this generation. Although Drake is mainstream, I don't care, I'm all up for hopping on the bandwagon.



<3

Wake Your Mind

One of my favorite trance duos, Cosmic Gate released their album "Wake Your Mind" today.


Overall, this was a pretty good album from CG. I love CG's live sets because they always get into their music and really engage with the crowd. They look so cute when they dance at the same tempo!

There was a good mix of vocal tracks as well as trance instrumentals with the signature CG sound. There were however, a few tracks that were too poppy for my taste. I hope that they don't sell out like Kaskade and become so mainstream, but sometimes it seems they are inching towards that sound. CG don't sell out, I love you! Anyway, I would give this album a close 9/10.

Highlights:
All Around You (w/ Myon & Shane 54 and Aruna)
Sometimes They Come Back for More
Nothing Ever Lasts
The Theme
Barra

DJ Mag Top 100: Disgust

DJ Mag...you chose David Guetta as #1??!?! This is the face you have chosen to represent EDM. It makes our music look like a joke. I don't understand. This must be some kind of joke right? I guess what the Mayans predicted was true: The world is coming to an end in 2012. Now that EDM has become a mainstream commodity, douchebags like David Guetta are being hailed as #1... This just seems wrong to me. Meanwhile, Above and Beyond is at #5, only 2 places above.. Afrojack?! I wouldn't even put Above and Beyond and Afrojack in the same sentence. Afrojack does not deserve that honor.

Gareth Emery... #13...??
Sander Vandoorn... #16...??
WHERE IS SUPER8&TAB?????
But... David Gueta... #1?!!? Any of the top 20 is better than David Guetta. 17 year old Juventa makes David Guetta look like a joke...yet he is not on top 20. In fact, I bet Juventa made better music than Guetta when the kid was just 12. Shouldn't a musical prodigy like that be applauded?!!? Nope because everyone is too busy listening to shit from Guetta and the likes of Usher and Nicki Minaj.

I'm appalled, but I wouldn't say I'm surprised. I'm just...disgusted. America, you have terrible taste in music. #Long live trance

fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer. place your hand in mine i'll leave when i wanna.

gloomy weather.

Fall weather is officially upon us. This gloomy weather calls for some soulful Yuri Kane.

-----

Enjoy.

new KiD CuDi

CuDi's new album is said to be released Fall 2011. Where is it CuDi? I'm waiting! I want dat new new.

Footloose (2011)

This weekend I watched the remake of the 1980s classic Footloose.



Don't be fooled. This may look like a Gap campaign, but it's actually a movie.

-----

The film stars dancer turned actor Kenny Wormald, country singer Julianne Hough, and good old Dennis Quaid.

Overall, the movie is pretty decent. It was fun to watch and paid tribute to the original film that starred Kevin Bacon. Kenny Wormald actually resembles Kevin Bacon way more than Zac Efron or Chase Crawford, who both were originally sought out for the role. I was actually really impressed with Wormald's performance. He seems to be a natural actor, and in comparison to other singer/dancers who take a stab at acting, I actually think that Wormald has a lot of potential. He has a lot of screen presence, and it doesn't hurt that he's just a good looking guy. :)

The setbacks:
The movie manages to make Dennis Quaid extremely annoying. I know that it's his role to be the doting father in this film, but maybe it was too much. He was so goddamn annoying. I also found the scenes with the race car driving ex-boyfriend to be very odd. During the race scene for example, they set two buses on fire. Where was the police or the ambulance? Everyone just went home afterwards like nothing happened. No big deal, I just almost died and caused a major accident setting two buses aflame. Second odd scene: The ex-boyfriend shows up at the prom, armed and ready to challenge Ren McCormick. The two groups fight, breaking cars in the parking lot and smashing their opponents with a rear-view mirror and someone's windshield. The cops never show up, and everyone returns to the dance safely and without flinching at all. Who does that in real life??? They basically assault the guy and his friends, and vandalize a few cars through the process. Yet, no cops show up. But, when Ren drives around and plays loud music, the cops all over his ass. I don't understand. Besides these strange flaws, the movie was entertaining.

new shoes

It's no secret that I have a shopping problem. I told myself I would slow down on the shoe purchases, but I just had to get a pair of ankle booties. It is a necessity this season! I mean, it's so practical and will keep my feet warm during the cold winter right? :)

Enter new pair of DV by Dolce Vita suede ankle booties.



I absolutely love lace-ups, and I love the stacked heel. <3 I cannot wait for these babies to arrive in the mail.

From today until the end of the month I will try not to buy anything new (apparel + shoes). I've been getting at least one or two new things every week and this has got to stop. I have no savings from work... LOL.

my faves

so true.

In honor of Steve Jobs.

Although it is a tragedy to see one of the most inventive and successful minds of our time pass away, not many great people in history actually see the fruits of their labor and the impact they were able to make on the world. I believe that Steve Jobs knew that his time was short, and was able to make the most of it. At the same time, he was lucky enough to see the amazing empire that he worked so hard to build before his time ended. We should not think of how short his life was, but rather how MUCH he was able to able to accomplish in his short time here. Even in death, he continues to inspire us, motivate us, and move us to be better individuals. He was not only the symbol of a great company and brand, but also an influential and forward thinker of our society.

Dear Sephora...

Dear Sephora,
I am awaiting your highly anticipated annual Fall online sale. I remember just last Fall, the sale occurred around October. Although it is only October 3rd, I have not received word about the sale yet. I ask, why must you leave so many consumers hanging? Here are a few things on my wish list. Please commence the sale shortly before my list explodes.

The coveted "Naked Palette" by Urban Decay. This palette features neutral to dark shades that are extremely versatile, and can complement any skin tone and create both day time and night time looks.


Philosophy "Purity" face wash. Perfect companion to your Clarisonic face brush. Deep cleanses and removes all makeup, but is gentle enough for sensitive skin.


Makeup Forever HD Primer. I've heard good things about this and I either want to get the Neutral one or the Green correcting one to combat redness.


Makeup Forever Aqua Eyes Set


This is my digital shopping list so I don't forget.

trance is really around the world.

Monster Massive 2011 is coming up. This means only one thing to me: Armin Only. An 8 hour set of pure trance euphoria, from the one and only Armin Van Buren.

In preparation for this glorious event, I started to search online for the classic "Armin Van Buren" T-shirt.



After finding this shirt, I realized something. I had seen this shirt somewhere before. Yes it is a relatively common shirt, but the specific place where I last saw this shirt is what is important. While I was studying abroad in Shanghai, a student from the University of Mexico wore this "Armin Van Buren" T-shirt to class. I approached him, surprised, and asked, "YOU listen to Armin Van Buren?" We had a brief conversation about trance music, and the different artists we listened to, and who were our favorites. That's when I realized: trance is one of great genres that transcends age, backgrounds, and cultures. It is truly universal music that really brings our world together.

feel so alive

Really liking Dirty South right now! His name confuses me though. It makes me think of Lil John and Tha East Side Boys or Ludachris for some reason, probably because they say they are from the Dirty South.

selfish

classic.

this makes me smile.

New ATB

I don't know how I feel about this new ATB track. It reminds me of a Backstreet Boy song, but I do like the breakdown and instrumentals- they are very characteristic of ATB. I like the concept of the video, especially since it is shot in Vegas, and it has an interesting story line that is real and applicable to ATB's own life. I don't really see the moving on part... it seems like they were just having a good time the whole time. It's just too much cheese for me personally.
+1 point for including Marquee in the screen shots.

daily observations

Daily Observation #1: You don't need anyone but yourself.

nocturnal 2011

Enough said.

eleve11

Sander's newest album "Eleve11" was released earlier this month. I got the bonus track version from iTunes which features 17 tracks.
Tracks include:
-Rolling the Dice
-Beyond Sound
-Kitten
-Eagles
-Timezone
-Believe
-Bliksem
-Bastillon
-Love Is Darkness
-As the Daisy Comes
-Who's Wearing the Cap
-Drink to Get Drunk
-Slap My Pitch Up
-Hymn 2.0
-Koko Prutata
-Koko
-Nano


Emily's rating: 5/5

Overall, this album lives up to Sander's high level of work. It was very dynamic in that it included sounds ranging from trance to house to progressive, and had both vocal and instrumental tracks. The album really showcased Sander's capability to provide range, as well as demonstrate the emerging new genres that are arising from the blending of genres. It is a very mature and modern sound for Sander as an artist.

-----




I also recently purchased tyDi's new album, "Shooting Stars." The album from the young Australian DJ features the following tracks:

-Take a Chance
-Talking to Myself
-Out In the Cold
-The Moment It Breaks
-Sex, Lies & Still Oblivious
-Acting Crazy
-Half of Everything
-Vanilla
-Yes, That Did Just Happen
-Her Lullaby
-Why Do I Care?
-The Camera Doesn't Lie, but You Do
-Long Nights On Fast Planes
-World's Apart
-Never Go Back
-Criminal
-Ariana
-Greater Heights

Emily's rating: 3.5/5

Although I did enjoy tyDi's live set at Evolution 2011, his personal album fell a bit short of my expectations. There are a few really great vocal tracks, but the cheese of some of his songs were a bit too much for me. Some tracks were a bit too poppy, on the border of Britney Spears material. I do give him props for diving a bit into Dubstep on the track, "Acting Crazy." Overall, the album was mostly MEH with a few good tracks. The titles of the tracks are not very characteristic of the trance genre as well. They sound like titles from a Panic at the Disco album.

back!

A dear friend of mine asked me to update my Blog. I realized that it's been neglected for some time now, and now that I'm done with school, why not, right? Although I can't promise you Alan to Blog daily, I will try my best to do so at least once a week!
---
I'll leave you with some new Matt Lange and Cristina Soto:


Toodles.

night time

You mean that much to me
And it's hard to show
Gets hectic inside of me
When you go
Can I confess these things
To you
Well I don't know
Embedded in my chest
And it
Hurts to hold

I couldn't spill my heart
My eyes gleam looking in from the dark
I walk out in stormy weather
Hold my words, keep us together
Steady walking but bound to trip
Should release but just tighten my grip

Night time
Sympathize
I've been working on
White lies
So I'll tell the truth
I'll give it up to you
And when the day come
It will have all been fun
We'll talk about it soon

And I couldn't spill my heart
My eyes gleam
Looking in from the dark
I walk out in stormy weather
Hope my words keep us together
Steady walking but bound to trip
Should release but just tighten my grip

Night time
Sympathize
I've been working on
White lies
So I'll tell the truth
I'll give it up to you
And when the day come
It will have all been fun
We'll talk about it soon

break from edm

this beat never gets old



not gonna lie, i like this song!

Group Therapy

After much anticipation, Above & Beyond's newest album, "Group Therapy" was released on June 6.
Being an Anjunabeats/Trance head, I wanted to purchase the pre-sale album on i-Tunes much earlier, but due to inconsistent internet, I sadly could not. This album however, was definitely worth the wait.

Track listing:
Filmic
Alchemy
Sun & Moon
You Got To Go
Black Room Boy
Giving It Out
On My Way to Heaven
Prelude
Sun In Your Eyes
Love Is Not Enough
Every Little Beat
Sweetest Heart
Thing Called Love
Only a Few Things
Eternal

Overall, the album was consistent with the group's impressive production standards. In keeping up with the trends however, the new tracks are much more progressive and more club-mixed than old school Above & Beyond. Nevertheless, still gold. The album had more variety in vocal selection, introducing more songs featuring Zoe Johnston and Tony McGuinness. There was also good variation between more trance like songs as well as dance music. Although I must admit that I was not in love with every single song, Above & Beyond definitely created some soon-to-be classics on this album.

updates

I haven't posted awhile. Partly due to poor internet connection, and partly due to laziness.
Here are some updates on China, and some thoughts:

China isn't so bad. To truly appreciate the country, you can't keep comparing it with America, or judge it based on American standards. There is a reason why people behave and act the way they do. It's just different.

Beijing is amazing! It has blue skies(unlike polluted Shanghai), and really nice people. The Great Wall is definitely breath taking, and its sheer size helps you view yourself in perspective.



I never thought I'd be learning to ride a bike, especially in China. I also never thought I'd bike to The Bund in Shanghai with 20 kids from California at 3:00 in the morning to catch the sunrise.



Shanghai is the premiere industrialized, urban, financial district of China. Yet, the city itself is not entirely so. The city of Shanghai itself has so many layers. Some urban, some catered to foreigners and expiates, some traditional, and some even underdeveloped. I have a little over a month left here, and I hope to explore all of them.

you're half a world away, but in my mind i whisper every single word you say.

finally

Thank You.

So after months without some live EDM, I caught Sander Kleinenberg at Prive in downtown Shanghai for a friend's birthday. Happy Birthday Andrew by the way! :)

Anyways, I haven't heard too much of his stuff prior to the show, but I was really impressed! Kleninenberg is straight house, the deep original kind that isn't mainstream like Afrojack, etc. His build ups and transitions were all really impressive, too bad he was playing for the wrong crowd, aka Shanghainese people. It was nice to see other Americans there shuffling and dancing to House music, rather than the weird dancing that goes on in China. Only a few people were there to truly appreciate his music: crazy international students from Boston, us (Californians), and a few Europeans. Nevertheless, Sander Kleinenberg is a really talented DJ that I would like to start hearing more from. Just being in the atmosphere gave me a little taste of being at home which I miss.

Can't wait to go home!!!

hold on

hold on
i'm coming
oh yea i see you baby, gotta feel for them jeans you're wearing
gonna leave the rythm, just a minute

ain't no one here
we don't have to talk about it
i know you'll understand it

you know how to treat a lady
you're the only one here

i know you waited all your life
and finally you're here with me tonight
one hand I've behind my back, and steal your breath away
come dance with me

thing called love

love this track!

i miss america

I truly appreciate America. I miss having toilet paper and hand soaps in bathrooms. I miss the Health Regulations and Sanitary Ratings at every restaurant. I miss heating in classrooms. I miss wireless internet. I miss Jersey Shore and In-n-out.

I miss people getting in line to wait for things instead of crowding around randomly. I miss driving in a car. I miss the pedestrian's right of way. I miss LA and the amazing weather. It's cold and gloomy here- Big Bear Cold. People rarely say please and thank you, and everyone ignores you on the street when you ask them to help you take a picture.

America, you may be the cultural wasteland of the world, but goddamn it you have a pretty high standard of living compared to most of the world and I love you for it.

i'm sorry baby, you were the sun and moon to me.

i'll never get over you, you'll never get over me.

Can't believe I missed A&B at Fluxx in San Diego, and in Vegas!!! I pray to God A&B will play sometime when I come back. This track is simply amazing.

life is funny.

Life always seems to throw some unexpected curve balls at you. When you least expect something, or when something good finally comes your way it never seems to matter because the timing is always wrong.

I guess if something is meant to be, it'll work out in the end right? Let's hope it's the stars for me.

-----
Some thoughts on China:

Shanghai so far is fun! It's an interesting city composed of contrast of modernity and tradition. This is seen most in their architecture and buildings. On the same street you can have modern, sophisticated buildings, as well as traditional Chinese buildings. Street food is good, but I definitely love Taiwanese street food more. People don't use soap to wash their hands. All the plazas for shopping look the same and confuse me so I can't tell which is which. Clubs have no cover, and they have live entertainment featuring men dancing in thongs or cross-dressing. I got a fever already, one week into the program.

People here love Starbucks, KFC, and Coldstones. Go America.

This is going to be an interesting semester.

Enjoy: All pics of Shanghai + One pic of my lovers from home. Miss you guys! :(

sweet talk

Excellent track from Kito.






Hip, Australian, and Edgy. Loveeee her.
Female Djs!!! They give me hope. What a dope gig.






-----

Another noteworthy female: Sofi.

Saw this girl perform live at Voyeur in San Diego. I would have pictorial evidence had I not stupidly lost my Blackberry Curve. RIP Curve. Tough chick, super cute voice. Don't mess. Really good live performance, and great energy.

save me

Amazing track from Chinese-Taiwanese DJ Shogun. I was really impressed to find out that he is Asian-American and successfully signed with Armada music. Shogun definitely makes an impression on me. Although his style does remind me a bit of Dash Berlin, you can't deny his clean beats and smooth transitions.



Watch out now.

autumn

anjuna beats can do no wrong.



Amazing build up.

i have never felt this way

still obsessed with this song.



I find shelter, in this way
Under cover, hide away
Can you hear, when I say?
I have never felt this way

Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on
Maybe I had said, something that was wrong
Can I make it better, with the lights turned on

Could I be, was I there?
It felt so crystal in the air
I still want to drown, whenever you leave
Please teach me gently, how to breathe

And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

on being honest.

me: LOL
youre an asshole
ahhaha

alan: I am, aren't I?
LoL
why are you my friend again? 

me: cuz
i'm an asshole too
possibly a bigger one than u
HAHAH

alan: HAHAHA
glad you admitted to it
before I had to say it
myself LawL

honesty is the best policy.

-----
New Boyz produced by my lovers, The Cataracs:



Can I be your backseat driver?

i'll hide it good

physical love doesn't sound too bad, haha.

truth

Here's an essay by music analyst Bob Lefsetz that I read via thehundreds.com. Thanks to Jonathan for sending this to me.

-----

“Rolling Stone” is afraid to put Deadmau5 on its cover. That space is reserved for Elton John. After all, they’ve got to sell magazines.
I love Elton. Although reading the story he comes off like an old queen who may be sober but is still spreading too much love, like an inebriated college student.
I was in college when Elton broke. I just downloaded his ’74 Christmas show today. You’ve got no idea how good he was. And maybe if we took away all his money and his toys he could be that good again. But I’m not sure, because even if Elton wrote another “Your Song” it wouldn’t be a hit, not without beats underneath and Jay-Z toasting in the middle and Alicia Keys adding background reflections.
You see you play to the mainstream, you buy insurance. There’s too much money involved.
But if you’re young and dumb, if you’re in high school or college, you’re not interested in insurance, you believe you’re going to live forever, you want to surf the zeitgeist. And it’s this tastemaker population that is truly into music, driving the culture forward, not radio, certainly not record labels, certainly not the big promoters figuring out their platinum packages and Ticketmaster kickbacks.
The biggest story in music last year was the Electric Daisy Carnival.
This did not come out of nowhere. Pasquale had been promoting for years. In a territory too dangerous and too marginal for the big boys to care about. But it was Electric Daisy that sold 185,000 tickets at L.A.’s Coliseum. Let me inform you, U2 no longer sells every ticket. But people are clamoring to go hear DJs.
Let’s not talk about the music. Sure, Elton was about melodies and lyrics, but the shows were always about a good time. Getting high with your buddies, watching the parade of people, becoming energized by what came out of the speakers.
Those days are back.
We’re living through a revolution in music. It’s akin to what happened in Tunisia and now Egypt. The public has had enough and the old powers are shocked and won’t let go.
First it was overpriced CDs. The Net gutted that paradigm, allowing you to steal or buy the one track you needed.
Then the Top Forty crumbled. That format might be dominant, but that’s like saying Chi Chi Rodriguez is number one on the Seniors circuit, but he’s not, the leaderboard is peopled by never was duffers and club pros looking for some satisfaction. Tell me why we should care again?
And Electric Daisy triumphed when everybody else was stiffing.
And “Rolling Stone” won’t risk putting Deadmau5 on its cover.
In the days of yore, MOST PEOPLE had no idea who was on “Rolling Stone”‘s cover. When the magazine was making its name. But now it’s complacent and the youngsters don’t care about it.
The Deadmau5 story is almost unreadable. Instead of putting an expert on it, they assigned a no name. If there are facts there, you miss them, because the article’s so poorly written. Remember when the articles cut like butter?
We are living in unbelievably exciting times. Everything’s up for grabs. If you’re making an album for money, give up, almost no one buys one. Even the vaunted Dr. Dre’s release will probably stiff, be this year’s “Chinese Democracy”.
Because you can no longer shoot for the stars. You’ve got to be grass roots baby. You’ve got to care about your audience. You’ve got to focus on music. You’ve got to love the lifestyle more than the money.

essay by Bob Lefsetz
by bobbyhundreds

-----

Damn Lefsetz, spreading musical fervor to the masses! I love this article and Lefsetz' writing style. It's very simple and clean, but with a strong voice that is just so sincere, and exudes the passion that he feels about music, and the EDM revolution.

lol

me: if i could relive any day of my life
me: it would be tatw

nehal: TATW350
nehal: ME TOO
nehal: LOL





wowowow

thoughts.

I need some substance in my life. This scene is getting old. Same old people, same old things, same games.
What am I doing?

Shanghai, I hope you have something better in store for me.

-----

some trance for thought.

you show the lights

I had a way then losing it all on my own
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown
And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine It when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling, calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine It when I'm alone

Home

Noises, I play within my head
Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still breathing
And I think back to when my brother and my sister slept
In an unlocked place the only time I feel safe

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone

'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home
Calling, calling, calling home
You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone

i am yours now, so now i don't ever have to leave

I don't have to leave anymore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what's right here

Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw
Something I couldn't over look

I am yours now
So now I don't ever have to leave
I've been found out
So now I'll never explore

i can't stoppppppp

i can't stop... listening to this!

nothing but blue skies.

I used to hate on dubstep, but this kind is actually tolerable. I like it

-----



the name says it all

hands held in silence

original or ronski speed?

let me use you up tonight

so it's growing on me.





23 and from LA?! Young talent. We almost have the same birthday. It's a sign.

butterrrr

speaking of butter...



so smooth.

-----
been feeling Designer Drugs recently:



Designer Drugs are addicting!

what is this!?

Alright, this shit has gone too far.
Dubstep break down from Britney Spears?

Britney Spears, I know you did not engineer this song. This is a terrible rendition of EDM. Enrique still takes the cake for worst EDM attempt, however. This attempt to mainstream EDM is making the genre very unappealing and killing the music for people who truly love it.
I like you Britney for you and hits like "Baby One More Time." Everyone has their forte, and girl this is not yours. Don't go chasing waterfalls. Mainstream music, do what you do best and don't pollute music for others. Thanks.

Let's wash out our ears with something else:

dope mix.

love anything oceanlab, and came across this martin roth version of breaking ties.



ignore the weird video, and just listen to the music, haha.

this version is cool too:



and yet another play on a classic:



chills!!!!!!

-----
it's really interesting how the same songs can be mixed and interpreted by different artists and produce a completely different song, with its own individual style and mood.

my enemy

muzakkk. like butter.

too sick

marquee, you've truly outdone yourself.



can't believe i saw this live and for free!!!!



no words.

you must be an illusion. can i see through you?

the most beautiful sunrise i've seen in awhile

time.

Have you ever wondered how you got to where you are now?

In elementary school, I remember being so thrilled to be going to Second Grade. My best friend Sally called me on the phone exclaiming, "2nd graders always color in the lines!!!"

"Really?," I asked. "No way."
We awed in the simplicity of things. How could little things like that, make us so happy?

Girls ruled, boys drooled, and vice versa. We were aficionados of Lava Monster, Punchball, and Four Square. Lunchtime consisted of opening Lunchables in attempts to win the grand prize of the month. After school, we made lanyards in the recreation room with older and cooler high school kids.

---

Elementary school ends, and we find ourselves moving to big bad middle school. Starting at the bottom of the chain from being once so complacent Fifth-graders, we begin the first days of Sixth Grade with both excitement and apprehension. Rumors were that Sixth Graders, boys especially, were prime targets for big Eighth Graders. I pictured images that I had seen on TV, with big kids in 8th grade throwing kids like "Lou Stevens" from Even Stevens into a trash can, despite trying to hide away from bullies at lunchtime. We transition into the middle school lifestyle, thinking that we are way too cool for school. We begin to develop cliques in school, that whether or not we would like to believe, really transition into high school.

Relationships come and go. Boyfriends and girlfriends develop quickly, but crash and burn. "TB _____" was all the rage. Xangas WAS the MySpace/Facebook/whatever of our time. We use "I Love You" so casually among one another, not really knowing the full meaning behind these three simple words.

Middle school dances consisted of boys and girls starring awkwardly at one another during a slow song, until a few brave boys or girls mustered the courage to ask someone of the opposite sex to dance. Freak dancing within a certain distance was forbidden, yet held its own captivating danger.

Boba is all the rage, and kids frequent the local Tapioca Express.


In Eighth Grade we think we are king of the rock. We run the middle school with an iron fist. We believe we have entitlement to certain things and behaviors simply because we are the oldest. This complacency is soon replaced with fear after our "Promo Party," when we realize that we aren't as big or as bad as we think we are. High School is way bigger.

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As freshmen, upperclassmen appear to be huge and daunting. They can drive, and even go off campus for lunch. High School is the epitome of cliques, and like in the movie Mean Girls lunchtime territory is all the rage. The AZN look begins to fade, and everyone is suddenly into Abercrombie and Fitch. Hollister gets into the scene too. Pretty soon, everyone is dawning some form or derivation of A&F and Hollister type of clothing. We are clad in cotton hoodies and ripped vintage jeans, and we think we are so cool. We all smell like the A&F store, literally, as we become Asian walking campaigns of A&F in Arcadia.

MySpace is not your space, but mine, and we publish our every thought for strangers around the world to read. We roam our own kingdom, the Santa Anita mall. Girls date older boys who eventually drive the girl's friends around, and also take them to the mall.

We live like kings senior year and believe it is our right to ditch school, show up late to class, and refuse to work on our assignments. Ghetto backyard parties in neighboring cities are all the rage, and we are all about Pop Lock and Drop It.

Graduation and Gradnight are filled with hugs and tears, encompassing both opposite emotions of happiness and fear. People promise to stay friends forever, or to stay in touch, but five percent of these promises will actually hold through.

Then comes the time to leave. The familiar faces that we grew up with, that we saw every single day become more and more distant as we integrate ourselves into college.

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Friends come and go, and you start realizing who your real friends are.
Some people party hard, and some buckle down.
We take different classes, change our majors once, maybe even twice, and try to figure out what we're good at, and what we enjoy.

Most alarming though, is that the four year journey still leaves many of us just as confused if not more confused about where we are going.

For the first time of our lives, we are not given clear directions of where to go or what to do. There is no longer a linear path for us to follow, and we realize that we are the ones to create a future for ourselves.

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This is where I am now. I hope I'm not alone.

awesome video.

thanks to michael for showing me this:



makes me so happy!

be with me

like a scene from my favorite movie
hard to control myself when you next to me
if its against the law to love you, then sue me

i need you
like a bear need some cuddles
baby we need each other
like a comedian needs a joke
baby i need you the most

if i'm the music you're my lyrics



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i've never felt this way but lately i've been so unmotivated in life.
i feel lost. i don't know what i'm doing, or where i'm going, yet i'm not doing anything about it. i can't get myself to do anything, and i don't care.
winter blues or quarter life crisis?

fuck.

j. holiday- i know love

I like this song, but it's a big claim to make J. Holiday, haha. Who really knows love?

let your fears go, you might find that you're not alone

killed it

i am what i am

ocean lab is the remedy for anything.

insomnia

i need sleeeeep.